Google Announces Music Player
From the moment I received a call from Viral Marketman, Google's product marketing manager, I was frantically contemplating what the secret press conference is about. Today I was blindfolded and taken to a top secret location where the announcement was made. Folks, hold your breath - Google has released Google Listen (Beta), a music player that will directly compete with IPod!
"Today, we have taken another big step towards organizing the world's information," said Google CEO Eric Schmidt in front of a choosen audience of 1000 press reporters. When asked about how Google is going to provide content for the new player, Eric said "We are in the process of converting all the music in the world into gmp3, Google's new music compression format". "gmp3 will make it extremely easy for listeners to find music of their taste," Eric added.
Google plans to make all the songs freely downloadable. "We believe that obscurity, not record sales, is the no. 1 problem faced by artists today. By making the songs freely accessible, we are doing a great service to the artists," Google's Founder Larry Page responded when a few reporters raised copyright concerns. "This is a perfect example of fair use as per the US Copyright Laws", said David Drummond, Google's Attorney. "Artists always have the option to opt-out using our simple five page form," Larry added. Artists who don't see their music in Google's database can upload their songs using the soon to be released Google Base.
Google Listen (Beta) will be available by invitation only. Interested users can initiate the invitation process by giving out their own cell phone number, and the cell phone numbers of five friends. "We have carefully installed a invitation process to keep pirates away from our gmp3 music files," said Sergy Brin, Google's other founder. After giving the cell phone numbers , users will be required to send in a home video of themselves dancing to and singing "I Love Google". By doing this, the users give Google the right to display the videos in Google Video. Meanwhile, a Ebay user named GoogleRepresentative has started auctioning invitations.
Omid Kordestani, Google's Senior Vice President of Global Sales and Business Development, explained the business model behind Google Listen (Beta). "We will have paid voice advertisements played whenever a user attempts to play a song". To this, Larry Page added: "The advertisements will only be good advertisements. An antenna installed in each music player will track the location of the user at all times and help us deliver highly targetted ads". Larry and Omid brushed off questions about privacy.
Google Listen (Beta) is released as a Beta now. "The BETA logo is designed to be peelable by the user, and we will let them know when to peel it off," explained Sergey. Steve Jobs in a statement to the press welcomed fresh competition from Google. Microsoft's CEO Steve Ballmer followed with a press release announcing a new music player gadget for Microsoft Live. "We will have a music player for our users by early 2019, and users will be able to download music through Microsoft Live," he said. He further added: "I also want to take the opportunity to reiterate that I have never thrown a chair in my life".
If you haven't got it yet, then please take a break from your busy life my dear friend - this is a joke.